I received such an outpouring of love and support and gratitude for being honest when I posted the following on social media I thought I might post here incase it can help someone else feel like they are not alone in the struggle with anxiety.
Wondering what’s been up with me, yeah?
Well…overwhelm has been going on with me. I don’t know about you guys out there, but I’ve been doing kinda bad lately. Sure, I look happy and seem to be getting things done, but I’m overwhelmed. So I peaced on Facebook and texts and e-mail and…all of it. I have pretty decent anxiety even though most won’t know by looking at all the stuff I “accomplish” in a day/week/month. Truthfully, those little red dots of notifications on my phone cause me panic. The emails of “let’s hang out when is good” I just can’t reply to right now. Now is just not good.
Working out usually helps but ive not really been making time for that. I’ve to get on the scale this week because I’m starting max 30 come hell or high water – I really need to get my ass in gear and I’m just freaking out over it. Like… really just… dwelling.
But it’s time. You know I gained some weight this summer with all the emotional stuff going on with the loss of somebody close to me and then I started to do better. Then the holidays got close and it all went to shit because the worries that rattle in my brain just thinking about all the stuff needing attention – you know?
It’s so crazy when you know the logical things you NEED to do … and you just don’t do them.
That’s not exactly it – it’s like I just CAN’T do them. Not cause I’m not capable but because I’m just so overwhelmed with everything that even the tiny first steps seem too much.
So for me, I find myself eating. Not necessarily bad food but unnecessary food. I think it’s because subconsciously I think it’s the only time nobody (myself included) will judge me for not hustling on work/wedding/house stuff. Basically, meal and sleep time you are “off the hook” to relax. I don’t sleep well / a lot cause there is too much to do so I take breaks to eat more than I should. I realize it is not logical but does it make sense at all what I’m getting at?
Anyway, it’s go time for me. I’m going to try and get back to the personal messages and such asap but it’s hard for me right now. I know I’m over booked but need to still take care of myself no matter what. Getting back in shape will help turn the thoughts off and give me more happy thoughts and energy to get things accomplished. It’s hard though. But I want some peace of mind back and this is how I’ll do it. Here goes. Anxiety blows!
(Side note: Yep, you heard right. Julie and I are starting a new 4-5 week Health Bet group for the new year cause this shit is much easier with friends and support so if anyone needs/wants workout accountability LMK that you’d like the details. Look out for an event with more details on my page later tonight.)