OPERATION: Springtail Shutdown

Ok, Dudes. I HATE bugs. Like really legit have a phobia. I trap them under cups and make the man get them and make them dead. If the man is not around, I maaaaay resort to chemicals, hairspray or fire. Or all of the above.  Almost had to with this little gem:

I never kill bugs in the outside or garden. No matter how gross, so simmer down soldiers. But come in my house, my territory, and its on little dudes, IT’S ON! Anywho my latest bugaboo is this crowd of nasty Springtails on some of my windowsills. Not in the bathroom or the sink where these moisture-loving teensy tiny buggers would normally hang out. They are coming in on my crank windows and under the doors (I think). According to Orkin they live outside in mulchy spots and eat decaying leaves. And, according to pretty much all of the people in the universe these are no big deal:
Vacuum them up” …
“When it rains more they will go back outside” …
“They don’t damage anything”

You overreact”

I disagree because, well, EW! I am not having it, they DO damage something. They damage my ability to be ZEN man! So, I am in the midst of executing a full blown attack, consisting of 5 missions. OPERATION: Springtail Shutdown is a-go, people!

Phase 1: Diatomaceous Earth was deployed on all of the sills. They used their trap-detecting pest radar to literally walk around the granules. Phase 1 was a complete failure. This is the first time the DE did not come through for me.

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This is the first time old faithful DE could not protect the territory.

Phase 2: All radiator covers were removed heating elements were vacuumed. Pipes were also checked for leaks all over the house. Sills were cleaned and disinfected to ensure death of everything. Initially an effective mission, but the enemy returned in droves in only two days time.

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Enemy scout tries to hide unnoticed, high above the sill.

Phase 3: All shrubbery was removed and trimmed and the lawn was cut waaaaaaay down around the house. A hose was called into action to power-wash the siding and nuke all bits of stuck-on organic materials from the fall that was leftover on on the back yard patio AstroTurf. The enemy took a hit that time. They fell way back. Only small band of revolutionary’s dared to return to the area. Most of the remaining enemy troops were found dead.

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A fallen enemy soldier.

Phase 4: The little bastard insurgents are rallying back in alarming numbers of 1-2 per sill. That’s just way too many. During the last few neutral territory sweeps on the exterior of the house, they were seen traveling in bands! Next weekend I will bring out the big gun and launch a series of caulk based missiles to the interior and exterior of the house.

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The “Big Gun” is ready and waiting.

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A battery of three types of assault missiles will be deployed next mission.

Phase 5: The damage to enemy troops will be assessed and then I will replace all of the weather stripping on the windows in hopes of sealing out the enemy FOREVER.

Wish me luck and ROGER THAT, nay-sayers, ROGER THAT!!! Please let me know if you found a way to combat these gross little nasties that is not outlined in my attack plan.

<3,
Roni

My birthday present from Murph!

Heading to my mans birthday dinner. Murph shows up with a birthday present for me (my birthday is tomorrow). A leaking ceiling. Murph, you really shouldn’t have! No, like, really, Dude. I’m sure glad I never got around to patching the ceiling up from last time! Womp womp!

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Roni-isms

A lexicon of (mostly) my (mostly) made up stuff. A record of linguistic inventory. A wordbook of Roni, if you will. Occasionally, I will link back here if I think readers may not know what in the heck I am talking about.
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Cooking up some new content…

So, y’all know I have been doing this blogging 101 challenge. I really am enjoying myself.  The best part of joining up is getting to meet fellow my bloggers through this journey. Visiting new blogs and talking to all these amazing people is giving me inspiration for Losing Screws.

Recently, I have been attempting to healthify. You know, working out more and eating better all in the hope of eradicating some of this flibble-flabble. Part of this is being on the lookout for cleaner recipes for the meals that I make. Last night, while visiting my new blog-buddy Jessica’s site, I was excited to find that she already has lightened up recipes for me to try. There are loads of rich comfy foods with healthy spin like Jessica’s Chipotle Chicken Enchiladas – which is the exact recipe that sparked this idea. The Sweet Files totally inspired me to begin adding my own food experiments to Losing Screws. While there was always a Baking section, the newly added Cooking section won’t remain empty for long. I intend to make it a home to all my favorite meals and food experiments. Family, Friends, don’t panic though – I wouldn’t dare THINK about messin’ with my lasagna recipe – some food is just comfort food and you don’t go screwin’ around with staples like that. (You just spend some extra time in the gym the next day.)

The first few posts will be my attempt The Sweet Files’ Enchiladas, my own Buffalo Chicken Cheesesteak Swap Out and that Lasagne recipe everyone seems to love so much. While you are awaiting some yummy adds to make their way onto Losing Screws, I suggest that you pay a visit to The Sweet Files. I promise you will like what you see there and that it will leave you super hungry! Jessica’s great food photos even have me wanting to try her recipes for foods I don’t even really like.

Happy Noshing,
<3 Roni

Gojo Georgeous?

This is random, but would you really expect anything else by now?

Anywho, I was in NYC at a theater and noticed that the fairly fancy restrooms had gussied up Gojo brand soap dispensers. Who knew they had a real fancy-like line? Not me! I thought they just made the orange pumice soap and other heavy duty cleansing products.

And did you also know they were the inventors of Purell? Found that little nugget of random-fact gold searching on their website.

You’re welcome.

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Thanks for reading, please subscribe to this blog and help me out by sharing on Facebook and Twitter – use the buttons below. <3 Roni

Spider-Joe & the Tree Amigos

Ok. So when I say I have the best friends and family, I really mean it. Dudes, my friends and family would totes win the best friends and family contest. They even removed a big ol’ tree for me. On a Saturday. (You heard that right, a Saturday!)

Why commit tree-murder? One by one, branches had been going on the tree, laying the groundwork for its own demise. I don’t have any money to spare after the repairs I am in the middle of, so it was going to have to wait until next year to come down. Meanwhile, my awesome boyfriend came over and took down any branches that were reachable. As if that was not rad enough, my equally awesome friend, Nat, mentioned the failing tree to another friend, Joe. Joe offered to come take it down if I could find him some helpers.

According to Joe, taking a big ol’ tree down is something people can do with buddies. That’s only partly true. You see, that plan only works if one of your friends fearlessly climbs trees like Spider-Man. Apparently, Joe had that part covered. Without further ado, here are some photos of my absolutely amazing friends and family helping take down the tree.

The tree

Spider-Joe & the Tree Amigos braved the power lines and took this tree down.

Spider-Joe & the Tree Amigos braved the power lines and took this tree down.

Spider-Joe & the Tree Amigos

Meet Spider-Joe & the Tree Amigos

Timberrrrr!

Nekkid tree.

Nekkid tree.

Limbs

The little stump that was left.

The little stump that was left.

The End

One of the masked Tree Amigos does a victory dance to mark the end of our story.

Nat, Joe, Clint, Steve, Dad – you guys are the bomb-diggity and I owe you all BIG TIME. Best of all nobody was hurt (I was so scared that something craptastic would happen all day!)

I leave you with a song:

Spider-Joe, Spider-Joe,
Does whatever a Spider-Joe does
Can he swing from a web?
No, he can’t, he’s a Joe,
Look out, he is a Spider-Joe!
(Hahaaaaa!)

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Scheming Squirrels

Squirrels are not that menacing, you say. I am silly, you say? Well, why don’t you take a gander at this, smarty-pants:

20131121-093327.jpgSee?! I am not crazy and this is not an irrational fear. They are plotting. Raising an army high above the junk piled high in my neighbors yard. Just look at what they did to poor Barbie! Probably snatched it from the sticky little clutches of a screaming toddler, poor thing. If I disappear, it was those squirrels, dammit!

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Do the right thing…

…and get nothing but grief for it. This is a rant post about how one (particularly incompetent) “gas company” employee caused me a heap of troubles.

Dad and Steve had turned the gas off this summer in order to relocate the hookup for the dryer:

Washer n dryer was in the kitchen

Washer n dryer was in the kitchen

New location is upstairs so I have room to bake!

New location is upstairs so I have room to bake!

We decided it was a good idea to let the gas remain off to the appliances since it was warm and major work was on hold while everyone enjoyed their summer. The water heater in there now is 10 year rated but is about to turn a whoppin’ 15 years old! I figured I had better gear up to replace that miracle, rather than turn it back on. Now that it was turned off for a few months and all that sediment had just been settling, I didn’t want to risk it failing ruining any of the progress on the house!

(Hello, I am Grandpa water heater.)

I assumed the right thing to do would be to call the “gas company” and let them know the gas was off: “No problem, we’ll make a note in your account. You did the right thing calling us so there is no confusion.” Simple. Easy.

Two weeks later: problem. In short, the “gas company” left me a message that they were not getting readings from my meter. (Duh, thats cause its off, remember!?) I called and explained, again, that the gas was off. They said there was no note on the account and then they proceeded to kinda accuse me of stealing gas. They needed to come out to the house and check that the gas really was turned off. All I needed to do to resolve the discrepancy was to wait for a call from their third-party contractor. Those folks would reach out to me ‘later’. Ok then. Simple. Easy.

The contractor called…a week later. Well, robo-called, technically. “Robo-Gas-Co” calls me at 8 am, sharp, with a recording that swiftly barks a number that “gas company” customers having issues are supposed to then call back. (To make an appointment with a human, I assume). [face-palm] Simple. Easy.

Only, it’s not fine and it sure ain’t easy, either! It’s some kind of twisted trick ’cause that number delivered you to yet another recording. This recording said they’d call you back if you leave a detailed message. But they only “Robo-Gas-Co” call you back, catapulting you into a cruel circle of voiceless-voicemail torture!

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Over and over, I played the voiceless-voicemail game. It’s not a very enjoyable game. “Robo-Gas-Co” says in the recording they are open from 8 – 4 (or something like that), but no human ever answers the phone. It started to feel like Groundhog Day up in this joint! I was trying to strategically place desperate call-backs at all sortsa hours in an effort to land a human on the other end of the line! Finally, I started to lose it and left this message: “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya – er – ah – Veronica.” Just kidding! I didn’t really do the Princess Bride thing. However, I did call one last time and freak out, then I called back the “gas company” to see if they could give me another contractor or something. No dice, they didn’t give me help. But they did give me a letter stating that they were going to be shutting my service off for refusing to let them in my house!? I called them after getting that letter and raised all kindsa h-e-double-hockey-sticks. It launched me right into you can kiss my *bleep* mode and asked them where I should forward my phone records proving several unanswered attempts to get hold of the jerk-faces they had contracted. Within the hour, the other fools called me back, ’cause thats how the universe does in these situations. It straight-up mocks you!

A date was finally set. After that I did get two more shut off notices from “the gas company”. It was super-fun waiting on hold for extended periods of my life to chat with them repeatedly about:
1. I had the damned appointment scheduled!
2. My bill was paid in full, even a month ahead, and has never once been late. How do you shut such a customer off?
3. How is it, exactly, that they interpret blowing me off for 8 weeks while I tried in vain to get an appointment with the contractor as a refusal to let them in my house?

Anyway, the guy that came out from “Robo-Gas-Co” was pretty nice. It helped that he also hated “the gas company” as much as I did at that point. He blamed them for the problems. (Good, so we are on the same page, Good Sir!) He also informed me that he could get everything he needed without coming in my house at all. So I didn’t really need the appointment anyways. Ermahgerd! I wanted to punch him right in his ‘pretty nice’ face. (I didn’t do that! It wasn’t his fault the universe vehemently hates me.) After all that, he did at least replace my old evil meter.

Evil Meter

Heavenly Meter

Heavenly Meter

One final kick in the pants? I didn’t have to even sign anything. I didn’t even need to be present. Simple? Easy? Oh well.

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Does this post make me a bad person?

These days, often shop at Big Orange. I mindlessly wander through the aisles picking up repeat-purchase items like joint compound and painters tape. Pretty boring stuff, really. Recently, I returned home from one of these Big Orange trips $40 poorer and lost in thought about what-in-the-world I should blog about next. As I wracked my brain, I decided to take a look through some older pictures from the house. Maybe I could come up with an idea that way? As I searched through, I happened across this image:
Joint compound Joint compound on a cart. Fancy! Big whoop, right?

Right.

I have been going through this stuff like crazy this year – but I never actually read the label. And by read, I mean never even looked at, not even once. Don’t worry – this isn’t a rant about carcinogens or anything depressing like that. Its all about making fun of what I see on said label. Now you may not agree, and I may be labeled a bad person, but I happen to believe this is funny and I’m willing to come clean and risk it! Take a good look for yourself:Funny joint compound label

Now, obviously I would never want anyone to get hurt, let alone a child! It’s just that this particular illustration sucks mightily and it makes me giggle. I can’t help myself. It’s REALLY funny. Come on, admit it, that cartoon child has got jazz hands and footy pajamas, people! Take a closer look:
Funny joint compound label
Don’t judge me, you know you think it’s funny, too.

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