Murph is a big fat ruin-er of things!

It’s Presidents Day. I was supposed to have a nice short traffic-less drive to work today. It was gonna be great since I’m so busy right now. Alas, Murph showed up around 4:45 when my neighbors car alarm stared going off. So, instead of getting ahead at work I sit here on my kitchen floor with Murph, a blow dryer, the oven on full blast and a space heater pointed into the crawlspace behind the tub. Oh joy, the power has now gone out… Well, at least I have Hans and caffeine. So there’s that. 👎

If you need to unfreeze your pipes, check out this post. Sorry if this one has typos, I’m typing on my iPhone from under the sink in between sips of glorious caffeine. I promise to come back and spell check tonight.

Happy Presidents’ Day,
<3 Roni

My birthday present from Murph!

Heading to my mans birthday dinner. Murph shows up with a birthday present for me (my birthday is tomorrow). A leaking ceiling. Murph, you really shouldn’t have! No, like, really, Dude. I’m sure glad I never got around to patching the ceiling up from last time! Womp womp!

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Gettin' me some Blogercise! (My resolution for the new year)

I need to make one of those resolution thingys, guys. I need to get this blog moving again for the new year. For serious! I joined a blogging challenge to help get me back on track. I mean, I want to blog, I just have gotten so behind that its a bit daunting to sort through all the content I have waiting for me.

Okay, so we have established that I have been slacking. I thought (foolishly) that finally moving in to the house would be great for the blog – that I would now get to all the little bloggy type things and have so much more time to craft my heart out and create content for blog. NOPE! Complete blogging standstill and my walls are still bare just staring at me, waiting for filling with all-things-awesome that have yet to be created. Continue reading

Does this post make me a bad person?

These days, often shop at Big Orange. I mindlessly wander through the aisles picking up repeat-purchase items like joint compound and painters tape. Pretty boring stuff, really. Recently, I returned home from one of these Big Orange trips $40 poorer and lost in thought about what-in-the-world I should blog about next. As I wracked my brain, I decided to take a look through some older pictures from the house. Maybe I could come up with an idea that way? As I searched through, I happened across this image:
Joint compound Joint compound on a cart. Fancy! Big whoop, right?

Right.

I have been going through this stuff like crazy this year – but I never actually read the label. And by read, I mean never even looked at, not even once. Don’t worry – this isn’t a rant about carcinogens or anything depressing like that. Its all about making fun of what I see on said label. Now you may not agree, and I may be labeled a bad person, but I happen to believe this is funny and I’m willing to come clean and risk it! Take a good look for yourself:Funny joint compound label

Now, obviously I would never want anyone to get hurt, let alone a child! It’s just that this particular illustration sucks mightily and it makes me giggle. I can’t help myself. It’s REALLY funny. Come on, admit it, that cartoon child has got jazz hands and footy pajamas, people! Take a closer look:
Funny joint compound label
Don’t judge me, you know you think it’s funny, too.

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Damage Control

Hey folks! So, it’s been awhile. Been busy doing stuff at the house, ran into a hiccup or twothousand since the post where my kitchen walls had been kind enough to reveal a pretty decent infestation of carpenter ants. We got that damage all sorted and started in on the bathroom. As you may recall from images in a previous post – the walls of the bathroom were rotted and were pretty much held in place with contact paper. To which I said, “Awesome!” I kinda always wanted a Florida Room. Though this is not quite how I had pictured it: 20130429-135139.jpg

Well, the walls are fixed up, reinforced or replaced and the little shed on the other side made the cut. It is still there – along with the rotting mouse carcasses that had lived in a two bedroom apartment located squarely on my property. They had it made. One room was a drafty shed – rather spacious for our little guests. The other was a tiny damp space under the tub IN MY BATHROOM!

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Insert ee-bee jee-bees here

    )

Now that my little friends have been evicted, on to the plumbing.* Simple drain fix. NOT. SO. FAST! Hadta jack-hammer the whole danged place up till good happy healthy pipes were located. Which, of course, was PERFECT! I had few thousand dollars I didn’t really want anyway…besides, being poor suites me.
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In other news, the air unit got wired in. That was super great, except for the awkward hole they accidentally drilled through the wall-slash-ceiling on which the new thermostat was going to live. Not to worry, that was a truly easy fix for once. 20130429-195552.jpg

Amidst all the drama I decided to circle back on my plans and keep the second bedroom as a computer room that will double as a guest bedroom. This means I needed to move the washer and dryer to the second floor since there is no way I was putting them back in the kitchen. Here we found that the exhaust for the plumbing was not done correctly. Needed that professionally fixed, too.
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Have I mentioned how horrible awesome an experience it was for me to get a home inspection? They are fantastic procedures. Here is how it works: you, the purchaser, have no firm idea what’s going on and you are scared you’re going to buy a lemon. You don’t know jack about plumbing, electricity, roofs or how to tell if the house is structurally sound or any of that stuff. So you give this guy a ton of money and he walks around your house-to-be with a clipboard saying how great it is for an old home. You know, to make you feel better. Then he points out one or two old bricks that should be pointed and little spot of cracked vinyl siding. You know, for dramatic effect. You ask when he will take look at the roof, he tells you it’s pitched too much and that you will need to pay more or hire a roofer to look at it. “Oh well, wish they told me that sooner” you think to yourself. But you are ignorant and this guy knows what he is talking about so you say, “oh, ok then lets skip the roof.” Later that week, you get pictures and a fancy binder with coupons for vendors *they* like. The report says that there is a leaky sink – it doesn’t tell you that the entire bathroom floor needs to be jack hammered up. It doesn’t tell you the home is drafty due to holes in the rotting walls that are only covered by siding and held up by old drywall. They point out a leaking pipe upstairs (that is right next to a faulty soil pipe rigging). They seem to overlook all kinds of obvious things that unsuspecting common folk like me would have no idea about, such as said messed up soil pipe. Every professional that has come into my home has pointed out things and said, you had an inspection? And they missed this (insert really expensive disaster here)? In fact, the roof that the inspector did not want to go on is the only thing that is turning out to be structurally sound in the whole shebang. C’est la vie. Next time I will just pay a plumber and an electrician to check out my potential digs, and that’s it. And it will likely be way less that 400 bucks.

Anyway, the point is, you haven’t heard much from me ’cause $#!t got real – real ‘spensive. There wasn’t too much to say about it – or shoot pictures of – more reinforced studs, tearing out rotten drywall, removing bug eaten wood, jacking up ceilings, it pretty much looks just like the previous few posts. It would have been duplicate photos and me whining about this and that. While thats all true, loads of work has been done. And loads of monies have been spent. If I can make it to destitute, I am trying so hard and am well on my way, I’ll know my hard work has paid off. Lol! I think destitute may even make my a-double-scribble look smaller. Ha!

Silver lining? Well, when I am done I will certainly have a brand new home.

Literally.

*Back off and spare me the PETA hate-mail, please. No little mouses were harmed, they were actually already D-E-D dead when we discovered them.

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The Carpenters (…as in ants, not Richard & Karen)

Recall my last post about old termite damage? Yeah, well, about that…it is carpenter ants. Not was. IS. They ate my house and are still feasting. Yes, I had an inspection. Yes, the old owner disclosed old termite damage from ‘ages ago’ had been repaired – on the roof and new 2nd floor. I don’t think it was ever termites just these dudes. YES – they did a bad inspection, YES – the owner must have lied. YES – they all took my damned money and NO – I am unsure I can do anything about it. Such is life.

Thas-a no good!

Here is a visual diary of my misery:

This is what most of my house-guts look like.

As a result there are holes to outside world. Who needs walls anyway. I have been meaning to do more camping…

We think this was the hive. Hundreds came out with a little prodding.

More damaged house-guts.

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Say hello to my little friend!

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Yo, these guys are BIG sons’abitches!

The little one is Karen. The big one is Richard.

Richard is no more.

I took these buggers for a drive to the local exterminator to ensure they were Carpenter Ants and buy some chemicals that will make them DEAD! I did freak out a bit when I missed them and these dudes had to live in my car for a day or two. Kept thinking, geez, if they can munch through wood, then this bottle may not be off limits…

Found some things in the walls. Who would drop an ant trap back in the wall where they know they could never get it out? Back in the old school medicine cabinet slot where you put old sharps out to pasture. What would posess a person to do that…hmmm…not randomness…but maybe…

I think someone who noticed the house was way drafty and ceiling was sloping and saw a bunch of ants flying all over maybe would do that? No? Really? You don’t think?

Well, that is all there is to say about that. I am up a creek. And Richard and Karen ate my damned paddle! LOL!

Thanks for reading, please subscribe to this blog and help me out by sharing on Facebook and Twitter – use the buttons below. <3 Roni

How I ended up raking leaves with a mop

Day One:
Murph, my good buddy, has wasted no time.

I set out to get rid of all the leaves in the (big) yard. It seemed as if they were never raked all Fall. There were huge patches of wet cakey leaves that had smothered the grass in patches. I bust out my leave blower, rake and Home Depot yard waste bags. (Since the flyers the Township gave me had all the curbside leave collection days in the weeks before I owned the house and I have not been able to find that darn Flux Capacitor to transport the leaves back in time, so I thought I would just bag them.)

I end up with 10 or so giant piles of leaves. This is generally an uneventful task, the bagging of the leaves is. My blower has a mulch attachment so I forget to zip the bag back up a few times and leave bits go blowing everywhere – but that is the highlight of the afternoon. Until I get thirsty.

I go inside for a drink of water and immediately smell it. I had stepped in a giant pile of ‘it’. I mean, it’s bad. There must have been a T-Rex in my neighborhood. It’s maybe the worst case the planet’s ever seen. I cannot get it cleaned up – even with the hose. No big. I keep spare sneakers in the car, so I just tossed those into the washer and go back out to bag more leaves. Not a big deal after all.

Until I get thirsty. Continue reading